Left behind

This will be a little long.

The last few days made me think. I like to think that my work is mostly about feelings; compassion and message. I always try to translate complicated feelings into pictures. And yet I find pretty difficult to do it on my own. I usually need a context to place my messages. Need certain characters’ faces, bodies, souls, certain characters’ stories. Thus the fanarts.

It has been 2 years since I managed to produce a fully finished painting. And that one was a fanart too, from my all time favourite game series, Mass Effect. It was such an easy choice then, because the whole game is one hell of a dramatic and emotional roller-coaster. I feel the need to use fanarts as media, because there are many Shepards amoungst us. We all felt similar things during the playthroughs. We saw him/her suffer, sacrifice, love, laugh and more. We saw them die. We were Shepard. They were a fantastic medium for those feelings to show. 
But I trust there is even more Mercys amoung us by now. I am one too. It’s a little bit different with her of course, since Overwatch has a rich lore but it’s not about a grand story arc with big scenes and dialogs. And yet I found myself peering into a character with so much drama and pain, this time, out of the game’s world. 
Since Overwatch launched, she was one of the most popular characters, she was THE healer. And I really enjoyed playing her, and back then when I started it was a common situation for one to find itself begged for choosing Mercy. I won’t go through all of her full history of course, nor will debate whether the changes were just or too much to her. But it never really was about balance.

This picture is a product of 1,5 year of experience of playing as Mercy. I could try not sounding so dramatic but hey, it’s my page, with a quite dramatic picture, so where to do that if not here? Right. 
It was about frustration. Of all the cases when someone blamed me in the chat for not healing them. Or not prioritizing them. Going so far as blaming me for the defeat. Of dying because they didn’t care. Of all the harassers and abusers who bashed me for being a girl in this game AND playing Mercy. 
It was about the mechanical changes to her, her role, her kit, all of her abilities, and just the constant abuse this single character had to endure over the last year. The character and anyone who ever enjoyed playing her. How we all felt when she got weakened again and again, meanwhile the haters enjoying the damage they’ve caused...

Her main job was always keeping the team together, and all they tried to do to her was taking her apart. Ripping her very essence. 
But she is not dead. I still love playing her. She is still a valuable member of any team and I hope she will be for a long time. But it’s time to leave her be. Leave her peace.